Welcome to...
 Laugh-Inn

2 snow photos borrowed from Cliff’s BMW website.

How much snow can there be?

How many miles to Daytona?

Try this when you get pulled over
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

The Trooper and Juggler
A car was pulled over by a highway patrolman for speeding.
As the officer was writing the ticket, he noticed several machetes in the car.
"What are those for?" he asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand,  underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer.
Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

Funny Things Said by Police
1. I'm sorry Ma'am, but with the unlicensed gun in your purse plus the DWI, you ARE a real criminal.
2.  Hey John, get out of the cruiser and come over here to say "Thank You." We stopped the guy who pays OUR salary!
3.  Yeah, I do have bank robbers to catch, but that might be dangerous, so I'm going to play it safe and write you this ticket.
4. Hurry it up?  Sure, I'll just go back to the cruiser and write the citation.  Do you have food and water in the car?  This shouldn't take more than six hours.
5. Do you know why I stopped you, or do you THINK like you Drive?
6. What do you mean I won't believe you?  Just because you've got three kilos of smack and two bodies in the trunk doesn't mean there isn't a perfectly reasonable explanation.
7. No, you've got that WRONG.  I'm even TOUGHER without the badge and gun.
8. Of course you didn't DO it.  You just happened to start your wind sprints in front of the department store, the VCR is extra weight, and the security guards were providing MOTIVATION.
9. She STARTED it? That's the best you can do?  My four-year-old does better than that when I ask why his sister is crying.
10. HAVE A NICE DAY

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then the back of the van and said, "What'd he do?"

The Harley & The Doctor

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley Davidson when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come look at his bike. 

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" 

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. 

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So, Doc look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix 'em, put in new parts and, when I finish, this will work just like a new one.

So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money—when you and I are doing basically the same work?'

The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running!"

GREAT THINGS OVERHEARD WHILE ON THE BEAT...

**"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
**"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
**"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
**"That says POLICE, not taxi."
**"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" (if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug).
**"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
**"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
**"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
**"Life's tough; it's tougher if you're stupid."
**"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
**"Just how big were those two beers?"
**"I know, I know, your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center."
**"I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
**"I don't believe they should use the electric chair, they need to use electric bleachers"
**”Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
**"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
**"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
**"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

12 Things NOT to Say To a Police Officer
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son . . . your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" 

A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?""No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking.

The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."

At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Kawasaki, so YOU ride it!!

WHY PARENTS HAVE GRAY HAIR
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. 
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,
"Me."

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.  She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?  They send me a BLIND policeman!"

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, A strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying: "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head promised himself a vacation after the next big heist. Then began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires. Clear as a bell he hears: "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot squawked: "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
The bird replied: "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

WHAT IS SAID and WHAT IS MEANT

While on routine patrol....
I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.

The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner...
He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN--DON'T FEED THE PIGS"

The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control....
It was raining.

This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant..... 
It was too hot to ride in the car

I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner.....
The dirt-bag let go with an 'Oink' as I walked by.

The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies...
I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the 'Command Post'

I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding...
She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.

Further interview of the witnesses was impossible, due to conditions....
Tonight is my bowling night.

What's the difference between a good ol' huntin' dawg and yer old Harley? The dawg kin get into the pickup truck by hisself!

Q. Why did the motorcycle quit working?
A. Because it was two tired!

Q. How can you tell a HAPPY motorcycle rider?
A. 'Cause of all the BUGS on his teeth!